Dear whoever’s reading this,
So I feel like I’ve gone and made the title of this post a bit dramatic. But in all seriousness this isn’t going to be a lighthearted post, but something about me.
I feel like in my life I live in two realities, the school (is it bad that I thought school was written as scool?!) reality and the at-home-with-my-family-happy reality.
The thing is if you’ve been with me long enough you would know some of the things I’ve gone through, in terms of friendships. Well, I have always been a bit like an orange. I don’t show my sensitivity and hide behind the tough skin but inside I’m soft and easy to break. And that’s kind of how I feel. I feel like those arguments and everything have broken through my skin and now there is nothing but that thin clear layer of orange peel surrounding the actual orange (have no idea what it is called) left. And now everything seems so much worse than it may be.
My friendships aren’t really broken instead they are good, even better than they were with some people. But there was an incident when one too-cool-for-school kinda girl said something about me. And though it is not even offensive she told it to this person behind my back who then told me because she’s pretty nice and doesn’t like the Mount Everest female cat (personally I think dogs are pretty nice so)(decided to call her a mountain just cause she’s taller than me even though I am older.) It was a silly thing but it really affected me and now I dread every time I have to see her which is twice a week precisely because she does this thing that I do that I can’t say due to anonymity reasons.
And it’s things like these that are slowly breaking me, kind of like erosion of that little bit of orange peel left. I’ve always been a suffer in silence type but I figured that I’d say something just because I want this to stop.
It’snot even just about this girl but about anyone who says something it like feels like a stab instead of maybe like a pinch because it takes so long for me to heal and forget it. In my world, everything that’s said or done to me feels ten times worse than it is and it’s hard breaking out in cold sweat every time I think of school starting. I live for the weekends, holidays and any time I am away from the hell hole.
The thing is I enjoy studying and learning, not a lot but I still enjoy it. It’s the people and the things they do that affect the way you perceive a place.
If any of you have experienced anything similar please let me know in the comments!
Lots of love,